What White Sox fans hear

I have a process in the morning.

It starts off at 5:45am with a 1.33 mile walk of the muttlies around my neighborhood of little boxes on the hillside, made of ticky tacky that all look just the same.

When I return to my own little box at 6:10am I grab the local newspaper and bring the muttlies inside. I then fix them breakfast. After they take 10.5 seconds to eat their breakfast, they go back to sleep for another 7 hours.

After I feed the muttlies I fix myself some coffee, then breakfast, and then sit down to watch the morning news.

News watching itself is a process: I watch WTHR, the Indy NBC affiliate, solely because it's in HD. When the news cast goes to commercial, I change over to channel 72 to watch Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN2 in HD.

Now to the point of this post. I performed this entire process, as I always do, on Tuesday morning. The wonderful and cuddly Cubbie Bears had defeated the evil sausage eating Milwaukee Brew Crew the night before to put an insurmountable 2-game lead over said Brew Crew.

And me, being the White Sox fan that I am, heard the following on Mike and Mike in the Morning ...

"Woo! Cubs! Woo! Derek Lee! Woo! comeback! Woo! Ron Santo's call! Woo! First Place! Woo! Wrigley Field! Woo! Jeff Samardzjia! Woo! World Series Champs! Woo! Ryne Sandberg! Woo! Old Style! Woo! Ron Santo! Woo! Lou Pinella! Woo! Curse! Woo! 100 years! Woo! Wrigley Field! Woo! Left Field! Woo! Right Field! Woo! Ivy! Woo! Rich Harden! Woo! Kerry Wood! Woo! Soriano! Woo! First Place! Woo! Comeback! Woo! World Series Champs! Woo! Woo! Woo!"

This disrupted my process. Frustrated with the content of the Mike and Mike program, I returned to WTHR to watch the goddam Tom Wood and Burd's the word auto sales commercials. 

Christ almighty.

I then continued with my process, which includes brushing my teeth, showering and dressing myself for work at the Motor Mill in an appropriately branded polo shirt with an appropriately branded pair of pants and an appropriately branded pedometer which is used to encourage Motor Mill employees to walk more so that the Motor Mill can pay less in health care expenses.

The next step is to grab the Motor Mill provided laptop in the Motor Mill branded carrying case. I then grab my iPhone, keys and step out to the garage to get into the inappropriately branded blue Subaru.

The next step in the process is to turn on Howard Stern. Unfortunately, I have needed to deviate from my process because my satellite radio antenna is broken. I've yet to make it to Circuit City to procure a replacement, so I'm stuck with listening to either 92.3FM and The Smartest Man in Radio History, Todd Berryman (which is actually a good thing) or Mike and Mike.

I turned to Mike and Mike on this Tuesday morning, and this is what I heard ...

"Woo! Cubs! Woo! Derek Lee! Woo! comeback! Woo! Ron Santo's call! Woo! First Place! Woo! Wrigley Field! Woo! Jeff Samardzjia! Woo! World Series Champs! Woo! Ryne Sandberg! Woo! Old Style! Woo! Ron Santo! Woo! Lou Pinella! Woo! Curse! Woo! 100 years! Woo! Wrigley Field! Woo! Left Field! Woo! Right Field! Woo! Ivy! Woo! Rich Harden! Woo! Kerry Wood! Woo! Soriano! Woo! First Place! Woo! Comeback! Woo! World Series Champs! Woo! Woo! Woo!"

God dammit.

I then turned to The Smartest Man in Radio History's show to not hear him one time during my 7-minute commute to the Motor Mill.

Cripes.

The process continues when I arrive at my desk. I turn on my laptop, check my overnight e-mail (which is usually between 15 and 30 per night; I get around 100 during the day) and then check local websites for latest news.

ESPN.com is in my daily list, so when I got there on this Tuesday morning, this is what I read ...

"Woo! Cubs! Woo! Derek Lee! Woo! comeback! Woo! Ron Santo's call! Woo! First Place! Woo! Wrigley Field! Woo! Jeff Samardzjia! Woo! World Series Champs! Woo! Ryne Sandberg! Woo! Old Style! Woo! Ron Santo! Woo! Lou Pinella! Woo! Curse! Woo! 100 years! Woo! Wrigley Field! Woo! Left Field! Woo! Right Field! Woo! Ivy! Woo! Rich Harden! Woo! Kerry Wood! Woo! Soriano! Woo! First Place! Woo! Comeback! Woo! World Series Champs! Woo! Woo! Woo!"

Get the picture? This is what my surrounding world sounds like right now. I can't make heads or tails of it; Christ, I can barely process it. All I know is that it's not good and it makes me irritated.

And, for some strange reason, this is the mental picture I get when I hear and read this incomprehensible stuff ...

If you have to ask, you're not a Cubs fan.

This has to stop. I cannot go on like this forever. DO SOMETHING BREW CREW!!!